[Eivind Nag]

In Pirates CSG Podcast #30, I briefly ranked all 5 of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. You can find that podcast at the bottom of this page, but in this post I wanted to rank all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies in text form, more comprehensively. I know this is a little off-topic compared to my usual Pirates CSG focus, but between the 2007 expansion and intense relation to Pirates CSG (exact same theme), I think it’s quite fitting. Keep in mind that my ratings are comparing these movies against each other – compared to all movies in general, I would rate them all about 9/10 or better haha! (I love them that much) So without further ado, here is my official opinion on ranking what I believe to be the best movie series of all time!

[afed]

Check out the other episodes of the Podcast here. here

[virgo20]

The 4th movie was supposed to have a smaller budget and reduced cast from the trilogy of 1-3, so I went in with lowered expectations. That was key to my enjoying the movie, as it turned out to be an (arguably inevitable) serious letdown to most of the fanbase. With Captain Jack trying to hold up a lesser cast by himself, the movie just doesn’t have the magic, scale, and excitement of the originals. A “new era” of Pirates of the Caribbean is born after the true high of AWE’s ending scenes. more

[grifferz]

Aside from that, I'm requesting that Disney's next first openly gay character be likeable for the entire movie instead of just the second half. I don't know, maybe I'm just biased because the whole time I was distracted by how much more sense it would have made for Emily Blunt to be the gay one, but I thought he had painful "written by straight people" energy. There was a coming out scene in this movie that was so awkward I had to play a game on my phone while it was happening. more

[tashlan]

Oh my god, it's another Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl AU. Disney live action studio, please learn how to tell another story. Every single movie they put out that isn't a live action remake feels like it's trying too hard to be Pirates of the Caribbean. I genuinely think these movies would all be better if they just forgot Pirates existed.

[gridecon]

With Emily Blunt, we would have an ambitious, headstrong gay character who's rejected the high society life she can't have in favor of living the life she wants and not caring what other people think. Her brother can still have basically the same personality. If you make him straight, he's a posh British fuckboy with a heart of gold who's reluctantly tagging along for whatever reason (Because he feels protective over his sister? Because he knows he's the only family she has left?) Whatever reason you pick, both characters have actually made a choice to be there, and the gay character is an active player in her own life, instead of having his life revolve around his sister because he feels like he's indebted to her for not being homophobic. here

[yebyen]

Edit: Because it's going to bother me until I write it down, here's why Emily Blunt should have been the gay sibling. With Jack Whitehall, you have a whiny, unreliable gay guy (we've never seen that before :/) chasing high society even though it's rejected him, who has no agency in his own life because he feels so beholden to his sister for still wanting to be around him that he just follows her wherever she wants to go despite obviously not wanting to be there himself.

[VServer]

4. “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” more

[akaz456]

At some point, “from the Academy Award-winning director of ‘Chicago'” meant something. But Rob Marshall was woefully ill-suited to make a “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie, and that, combined with whoever’s terrible idea it was to have Jack Sparrow as the sole lead, spelled doom for this horrifically awful experience.

[mrb]

Lots of folks may have been mad about the cliffhanger at the time, but the second “Pirates” movie was still a delight. Even though it wasn’t quite as good as the first — we really missed Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa — “Dead Man’s Chest” remains a great example of a sequel that recaptures the magic of the original. here

[MCNARS]

1. “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl”

[mokelly]

Such as: Why? That’s easy: “Jungle Cruise” exists because it’s a generic but trademarked title, and now a movie, adapted from the Disneyland water ride. Therefore it’s Disney’s IP, which stands for Intellectual Property but also It’s Paltry.

[stbri]

“Jungle Cruise” jumbles together zombie conquistadors (Edgar Ramirez plays Aguirre, infested with his own deadly snakes — there’s a ton of death-by-snakebite or strangulation in this movie) and a genocidal proto-Nazi, Plemons’ character, piloting a World War I submarine. “Who brings a submarine to the Amazon?” Frank asks at one point. Blunt’s derring-do has its stray moments, and her comic wiles are most welcome. But this is blockbustering from a talented director whose talent has been pounded flat by the dictates of a script in the quality range of Disney’s “Lone Ranger.” [links]

[sizewraps]

Four minutes into what feels like a four-week, no-expenses-paid “Jungle Cruise,” Emily Blunt’s character — a swashbuckling botanist, romancing a priceless Amazonian stone arrowhead — is sneaking around a London explorer’s society laboratory, trying not to be seen as she purloins the artifact, Indiana Jones style.